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[22 Sep 2005|12:54am] I don't know where everyone gets the cool quizzes from, so I just took the first one that popped up on "Google." ( Are You Ready for a Back-to-School Romance? ) 1 comment|post comment

No one knows this but... [09 Sep 2005|07:05pm] Sometimes when Armando is warming up, even before he takes the field, I pop in a couple of Tums. 5 comments|post comment

[06 Sep 2005|10:01am] Sigh. That was Shane. Shane, if I say you can't have a cookie and you write "Lance Niekro For President Of The Universe" all over the walls in purple crayon, a grounding is fully warranted. Furthermore, there is no evidence to support the theory that I am a "doo doo caca pee pee head." 2 comments|post comment

[06 Sep 2005|10:00am] yaya giants r winning agin i knew we culd do it! no one throws me stri kes becauz i'm a doodoo caca peepee head who grounds his son for no reason. LANBCE NIERKO IS THE BEST1!1 dodgrs hav blue balls blahalblahblah love, stupid caca pee pee head post comment

[26 Jun 2005|06:19pm] Today's game was comparable to that dream where you're standing naked on a podium in front of 10,000 people. Only with the added twist of your grandmother out in the audience yelling that you're "out of jock itch ointment, honey, so don't go scratching your balls until you get a refill!" This is the worst we've been since I got here. Shane took off his Giants jersey and put on a Nick Swisher one. Then he laid a baseball bat in front of the dog and said, "c'mon, Rex, even you can get a hit off Tomko!" I just know that if someone would throw me a real strike, we could turn things around. 7 comments|post comment

[27 Apr 2005|09:57am] Those were definitely strikes last night. 1. An odd thing happened in the locker room after the game. I was changing out of my uni, icing up all the trouble areas, you know, the usual. Then Brett Tomko runs by half-naked, yelling, "HELP! I dropped a bottle of baby oil down my pants and now my penis shines like the sun!" Brett's a good guy, but sometimes I wonder about him. 2. In that 9th inning when Benitez came barreling down the line like a wild moose, my entire life flashed before my eyes. I'm not going to lie. I was scared. 5 comments|post comment

[26 Apr 2005|04:25pm] Here's the thing. The pitch I "struck out" on to end the game on Monday? That was not a strike. It was outside and low. The only way I'd be able to hit that sucker is if I was holding a golf club. I looked up strike zone in the Dictionary and this is what it had to say: strike zone n. Baseball. The area over home plate through which a pitch must pass to be called a strike, roughly between the batter's armpits and knees. That ball was between neither of those places, therefore it was not a strike. I have a good mind to mail a copy of this definition to every umpire in the MLB. That Merriam Webster chick sure knows her stuff. 2 comments|post comment

[26 Apr 2005|04:25pm] One of my 14 kids set this up. Should be interesting. post comment

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